Fall My Hand

‘Chai! You fall my hand.’

‘I what?’

‘You’ve fallen my hand!’

Sheyi thought about this, she looked at her companion, ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Oyinbo! How long have you been away?’

‘Question.’ She hissed, ‘tell me what it means jo, I said I don’t know.’

Kola sighed. ‘How do I explain?’ Sheyi drummed on the desk to hurry along a response. ‘Ok, it’s like this, say we go somewhere and the security is doing twale, twale for you and at the end of it, when he asks for something, you give him fifty naira…’

‘Eh hen? Did he work for that money? He’s lucky sef.’

‘Alright, that’s a bad example.’ Kola thought again, ‘say police stop us…’

‘Let me stop you there, I don’t care how many hands fall, I am not giving them more than 1k!’

‘See this bush woman. That’s not even the right context.’

‘All your contexts are to do with giving money.’

‘I’ll try this from another angle then…’

Before Kola could say anything else, Sheyi jumped in, ‘falling your hand, was I holding your hand and then let it go?’

‘No, not like that.’

‘I jaboed you?’

‘NO! Shut up for a second!’ Kole was getting irritated, but Sheyi was enjoying this, she leaned towards him,

‘Am I falling your hand right now, would this be classified as such?’

‘You’re an idiot.’ Kole got up and started to walk away.

‘Why? What did I do?’ he didn’t answer her. ‘Where are you going?’

‘Am going for a smoke.’

‘And you couldn’t invite me? Selfish.’

‘Whatever! Stay there and be asking, if you want one, you better follow me.’

When they got outside, Kole lit up and passed the lighter to Sheyi, ‘where is the ciga?’

‘I thought you brought your own, you know how you London people do na.’

‘Seriously?’ Sheyi was the one who was irritated now, ‘you drag me all the way out here and you come with one ciga?’

‘First of all, you dragged your own self out here.’ Kola took a puff and blew the smoke away from them. ‘Secondly, this is Lagos, someone will soon come with a full pack of fags, we're not stingy like you foreigners.’

‘Yeye,’ sheyi hissed. ‘It’s not your fault.’

‘At all!’ he handed her his half smoked cigarette, ‘you want a drag?’ she eyed his hand,

‘Chai, see my life!’

‘I am looking at it…’

Sheyi snatched the cigarette from Kola and gave it a good once over before putting it to her lips.

‘Naija Benson’s is just the best.’

‘Am telling you.’ he took back his fag, ‘that’s why I am out. I need to slow it down though.’

Bola joined them in the smoker’s corner at the side of the building. He nodded at his companions as he removed a golden packet from his pocket, it was still wrapped in clear film. He peeled off the packaging and stuffed it in his pocket before he opened the lid so he could pinch out the gold foil. Using the nails of his forefinger and thumb, he pulled out one cigarette and put it back in the box upside down, for luck, then he pulled up another one halfway out and offered it to Kola.

‘Cheers guy.’ Kola took one.

‘God bless you my broda.’ Sheyi took another. They passed Kolas lighter between them and lit up before they spoke again.

‘Na wa o, is the recession that bad? You guys are sharing one ciga?’ Bola said. Both Sheyi and Kola answered at the same time,

‘We were not sharing.’

‘He was supposed to bring some out.’

‘I left my full pack on my table.’

‘He invited me out for a fag break.’

‘I didn’t o! She invited herself.’

Bola looked at Kola, ‘guy, you bring this fine girl out here to be sharing ciga?’

Kola winced, ‘don’t say it, don’t say…’ but it was too late, Bola carried on,

‘You fall my hand o, seriously.’

The penny began to drop for Sheyi, ‘so that’s what you meant. That’s what it means.’ She laughed. Kola had turned his back to them, covering his face with his hand while Sheyi explained their earlier conversation to Bola.

‘You walked right into that one Kola.’ Bola was amused but he didn’t laugh. ‘He’s still my friend sha so I will apologise for him.’ He fished into his other pocket as he spoke, he pulled out an old Nokia 3310. Sheyi and Kola leaned on themselves for support from laughing at it, coughing as they choked on smoke.

‘Bola why na?’

‘What?’ he feigned ignorance, Kola took a step back and pointed at his hand,

’what is that?’

Bola hissed, ‘leave it alone! Those kids smashed my other phone, I have to use this while that one gets fixed. It works I can tell you that.’

‘You didn’t kill them?’

‘Almost. It’s not the first time they’ve done this o!’ again, he was all seriousness but failed to show any emotion. ‘If I kill them for everything, they would be ten times dead, each of them.’

‘Yeah but at least, you would have a proper phone right now.’

‘Abi! Not this pure water I have to hide and use.’

Sheyi stopped laughing. ‘Pure water?’ Kola and Bola exchanged looks. ‘You people have come again. Which one is pure water now?’

‘Over to you boss.’ Bola said as he put his phone and cigarettes in his pocket and walked away.

‘Don’t fall my hand again o.’ he flashed them a broad grin.